Monday, March 28, 2016

On the passing of a sibling

Many folks don’t know that I have, well had, two sisters. They may know of or have met my big sister Debby. But I also had a sister Connie. She passed away on Saturday. I am saddened by this in a totally selfish way. Connie and I have never been close. She was three years older than me whereas Debby is six years older than me. I don’t know why Connie disliked me. She never told me and if she told anyone else they haven’t shared. I feel truly sorry about this. For years I took the high road sending birthday and holiday cards with no response. She was informed of the birth of my children and some of the major life accomplishments along the way. No response. When my youngest graduated from high school and there was still no response I admit I gave up. I stopped sending cards and making any effort. I would hear about her on occasion from Debby or my brother who she would occasionally speak to. And now she is gone and the chance to make amends or at least find out why is gone and this saddens me. Selfish, yes, but still. I would love to say that she made a positive impact while she was alive but alas I don’t know that either. I know she was married for a very short time but I never met him and as I said they weren’t together long. I don’t know what she did for a living or what she did for fun. But I know that she was a troubled woman who could hold a grudge whether real or imagined for a very long time. I am saddened that I am saddened more by the loss of what could have been rather than what was. I know that you can’t make someone like you but when that someone is family it hurts that much more.

Welcome to this peek into the mess that is my mind and thanks for allowing me to vent. If this makes you reach out to someone estranged in your life that is terrific if it allows you to know that you are not alone in your situation that is cool too.

It is sad that the pictures I have of her are so old but I thought I'd share.

Connie,David, me, Debby

Connie is the one with the glasses



Connie is the tall one in the back


Sasha White said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Donna.The loss of a chance to make things right, or at least find some closure. Your story reminds me of my mom and her sister. They were never super close, but 15 years ago, when my Grandfather fell ill with cancer, things got way worse. After my Grandfather passed, my mom refused to talk to her sister again. It's been fifteen years, and she's held to it. Families can be hard, and confusing.But it's good that you didn't have a constant negativity or disapproval in your life. Sometimes the best thing for everyone is to accept that blood family doesn't mean best friend.
Let yourself be sad over the loss of opportunity for a short time, but take comfort that you have another family, one of your choosing, who cares.

Jo Anne said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your sister Connie was the middle girl and that might have something to do with it. You tried you did your best and that is all a y of us can do. My sister died at age 43. I am/was almost 11 years older we didn't talk for three years I got a phone call from her that she had liver cancer. You would think I would have been the first person she call, I wasn't .but I did everything I could to help her. Family are strange Donna, we do what we do when it needs to be done. I did what I could, money, to NY Sloan Kettering, picking her up from chemo every week. You did what what you could. You reached out to her year after year. You did the best you could. Remember what good times you had. And wish her safe passage to wherever you think we go. Heaven, summerland wherever.

Nancee Cain said...

Special hugs. Loss is hard enough without the what ifs. Remember the good times and relinquish the regrets. And know you're not alone. xoxo

Caridad Pineiro said...

I am so so sorry for your loss, Donna. It is tough to be in such a situation. I know from personal experience. Hugs and sending you all my prayers at this difficult time.