Blurb:
Ever been almost beheaded by a snow plow? Turned
into an undead by a homeless vampire? Cheated and betrayed by your lying sack
of shit husband? Welcome to my life. Or, more correctly, my crazy afterlife.
To everyone behind
the gates of our wealthy community in Charming, Mississippi, my husband and I
were the Joneses everyone tried to keep up with. A beautiful house, the perfect
gated community, two gorgeous kids, and a supposedly flawless marriage.
Until I came home and
caught him rolling around in our bed, hip-deep in my best friend. Which led to
the aforementioned snow plow incident. I woke up with a fear of the sun and a
propensity for drinking blood. Or, in laymen’s terms, a vampire.
I thought vampires were
supposed to be hot and irresistible. But my maker smells like he just stepped
out of a sewer, and he has the appeal of a turd in a punch bowl. But you know
how life is as one of the Joneses - you gotta keep up. Keep up appearances,
that is.
I’ve swapped my
triple, venti, sugar-free, nonfat caramel macchiato for a stainless steel
rambler that keeps my O-negative at the perfect room temperature. I can still
manage the carpool lane, with the right sunglasses to hide my crazy eyes. But
between daytime soccer games, a missing college student who might have been a
vampire kill, trying not to drain my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and keeping my
neighbors in the dark, I’m shaking in my Jimmy Choos. I'm not sure I can do
this.
My name is Rachel
Jones, and I’m the vampire housewife.
My review:
Lipstick and Lies and Deadly Goodbyes is a laugh out loud
tale of the lies we tell ourselves to get through the day. This story had me
giggle-snorting, empathizing and ready to throw my phone out the
window. I really enjoyed it and can’t wait to listen to the next
installment.
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